i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
