He disabled his match.com account in front of me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
