bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
