i don't like sucking hair
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
