Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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