did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You took a bar mat shot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
