I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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