I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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