The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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