Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
