When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
