Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
