sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
