The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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