Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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