well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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