Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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