woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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