They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
