I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
