mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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