Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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