did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
