bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have aggressive nipples.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
