remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
