Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
