you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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