How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
