Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
