Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This girl is more easily done than said...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
