You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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