dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
