my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
