Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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