Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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