I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
