bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
