just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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