How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
