New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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