Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
