If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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