It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
