Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The struggles of a small town man whore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
