What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
