he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
