New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
