The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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