I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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