he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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