it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
