Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
