Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
