I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
