shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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