Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
