there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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