This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sarcasm needs its own font
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize