if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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