We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
