Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You pole danced in your parka.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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