how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
