Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
