I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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