We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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