Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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