drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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