i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
