69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
